Self-Harm; story of a cutter

Depression is hard to live with. But so is self-loathe. So what happens when depression+ self-loathe turns into self-harm?
For D.J Preston,
this nightmare was real. He's been kind enough to share his story with me and all of you blogsters out there.

*Me "Do tell me how life was treating you?"

*D.J Preston-"I’m 22 years old now and its been 7 years since I’ve put a knife to my arm. Its been seven years since the blood that trickled down my arm competed with the blood that flowed down my face. It was like all of my emotions were being poured out with my blood because I didn’t know how to release them any other way. I had cystic acne. My face would spontaneously bleed. The scars on my left arm were just as great as the ones that were on my face. I was put on a controversial drug called Accutane in 2004, when I was 14. This was to cure me of my cystic acne. I signed this waiver and was given large doses of the drug. This was the first time I heard of any drug coming with a small booklet of side effects. Printed around the pill bottle and booklet was a warning about death being the number one side effect. The dermatologist never said anything about it out loud. I think she was more enthused about making a sale because the drug was very expensive. Apparently, the drug was known to cause a chemical imbalance in the brain. The booklet that came with the drug said that some users became depressed and ultimately committed suicide while using it. I didn’t care. I wanted to be cured. Seeing scars and blood streaming down my face was a horrific sight to me and it was getting difficult to hide it from others. I felt like a monster. I knew I was already depressed by the time I took the drug, but to this day, I’m not sure if the drug sent me beyond the depression I already had and made me start cutting. How people bullied me in my preteen years and how I couldn’t connect with people well made me feel alone. The fact that I would go home to an empty house everyday didn’t help either. It did however make cutting much easier for me to do. I was one of those people that had an imaginary friend for a while. I used my imagination a lot to keep myself occupied because I didn’t have cable tv, internet, nor many video games. It was actually quite fun at times though. In the midst of a lot of solitary time, I started to develop a different way of thinking. I thought of ways to change myself so I could be accepted by others. I was overweight so I figured by losing weight, people would like me more. I went to great lengths to drop the pounds. On some days, I would just eat one thing: a sandwich. Some days I wouldn’t eat anything at all. I’d exercise at least twice a day for a few hours. The consequences of doing this made me have very dark circles around my eyes, long periods of drowsiness, and I’d have the most horrible headaches for weeks at a time. The headaches were so bad that it was hard to walk or open one of my eyes. My body ached all the time but my stomach was the worst. Every blue moon, I would get this excruciating pain in my stomach that would come about every 30 seconds. This would last for over a week then it would go away. This has happened about 3 times in my life so far. I started going to a military academy by age 11. The environment became so stressful to me that I would only sleep just for a few hours. Before going off to class on some mornings I would stare out of my window before sunrise. It was just something great about staring at the peaceful clouds scattered across the dark blue sky. I wished I had peace like that. This is when I was starting to love nature. Being outside in solitude brought me comfort because I could feel God’s presence. Its hard to explain but once I was engulfed in sunshine, I didn’t feel alone anymore.

During the ages of 12, 13, and 14, I became very skinny. But the over-exercising didn’t stop there. I did make a few friends during those years but we departed for various reasons. They’d either grow apart from me or relocate. I started to have anxiety attacks for the first time at 14 and that’s when the cutting began. The first few times I was afraid to do it. The very first time I saw blood come out of my arms was scary. I didn’t know if it was going to stop bleeding. It eventually did. As time passed, cutting became easier to do. Instead of slowly digging into my arm, I’d slash it fast and didn’t care where on my arm that I had cut. I began experimenting with cutting around my wrist a couple times. I didn’t want to die. I did it for a rush, something new. I had a dozen scars on the inner part of my left arm. Since I didn’t hang around people much, was an only child, and my mom was gone a lot, nobody ever saw the scars. I’m grateful now that I never struck a nerve or caught an infection. I used a long kitchen knife. I never even thought about the types of bacteria that could’ve been on the blade. It was definitely a knife for cutting raw meat. People knew something was bothering me deep within. My eyes always told my story. There would either be a long-lasting scowl on my face or a frown. I never noticed it but others would always point it out. Maybe when I saw myself in the mirror I would get more self-conscious and would immediately straighten my face. Who knows? I just never saw myself like that. Although I hardly looked in mirrors either because I hated the way I looked. For instance, after washing my face, I would instantly sink my face in the towel because I didn’t want to look into the mirror right in front of me. Sometimes I’d see blood on the towel. I didn’t take pictures or appear in videos. I have little captured memories of my teenage years. Tired from the stress of going to a military oriented school, I convinced my mom to get me transferred to a regular school by my sophomore year. One day I decided to bring my knife to school. I hid it deep within one of my binders that were inside of my book bag. I was confident that the security guard wouldn’t find it while checking my things because she’d normally move along fast to get to all of the rushing morning entrants. I kept the knife in my book bag throughout my classes. During lunch, I went to my usual spot: the balcony on the second floor. I’d sit there alone and reflect on things while staring out of the window. On this particular day, my friend Tab decided to join me sitting there. After talking briefly, I got the courage to show her the scars on my left arm that were hidden beneath my long sleeve shirt. She immediately stood on her feet and cried out to God. I was very surprised by her reaction because I never saw that side of her before. She wasn’t a religious person. Tab asked me if I had the knife with me. I showed it to her and she broke down. When the school day was over and everyone was heading out the building, I saw a small group standing at the exit door. It was my friend Tab, my 3 other friends that I met through her, and a faculty member. The faculty member was actually the school counselor whom I never met before. She escorted me into her office. I saw the sad faces of my 4 friends before she closed the door. When I sat down she questioned me about having a knife. I hesitated to reveal it because I knew bringing a knife of that caliber would result in an expulsion. After staring at the floor for a while, I got the guts to answer truthfully. She replied saying that she already knew. I realized that my friends gave her my story. I thought that from this point the course of our convo would be about what legal consequences were ahead of me, but instead, she gave me advice about depression. The counselor talked about how her daughter was taking anti-depressants and was seeking therapy. She wanted me to do the same. I never did because I didn’t believe pills or therapy sessions could cure me. I instead suppressed my feelings because the things I were doing and ways I were feeling weren’t brought up much in the Black community. I didn’t want to feel like I was even more of an outsider by speaking about them. As of matter of fact, I would even hear people laugh about such techniques to cure depression. Another reason why I kept quiet was because when I researched everything I was going through on the internet, there was nothing but stories of White females. It was embarrassing and emasculating because I knew people would judge me harshly from this. Its like the whole world saw these issues based on one demographic. A Black dude from the hood had to have been the most unlikely person to go through these things. This would be my first and last meeting with the counselor. I’ve always had a high GPA in schools until I sank into sorrow. I nearly had straight As every year. This new school put me out after flunking all of my classes except two. I was kept from auditorium sessions and field trips for having several Fs at this school. Others that had low grades like me were put in a room toward the back of the school. I used this time to do work, draw, write poetry, and write stories. I actually enjoyed it because it reminded me of the things I used to do as a small child. Only one other high school in my region accepted me after my poor grades. After transferring, my depression became dormant. I stopped cutting by age 16. I ended up graduating high school on time by going to multiple other places for night school and summer school. This was to make up for my failed classes. I still kept to myself. I spent my lunches at the library or in the band room. I never wanted to go the cafeteria because I didn’t like being around large groups. I figured the more people I was around, the more likely it would be for me to run into ridicule. This mindframe would eventually lead me to avoiding large groups of people wherever I went. At church, I became an usher so I wouldn’t have to be part of the congregation. I knew that the same type of people I dealt with at school were also in the church. I eventually worked in the sound booth by myself so I could be in total isolation. After a year from doing that, I stopped going altogether. My church became very divided anyway after scandal and our pastor left. I remember attending a church meeting and it was sad to see the people arguing back and forth like madmen. I lost the foundation I had as a child.

After all the bullying, exclusion, & people departing from me, I wanted to be accepted again. When the cutting stopped, the mentality of self harm only manifested in other things. I no longer knew how to channel my anger so anxiety attacks began again at age 20. It was mostly at home. I found myself shaking very hard, jumping out of my seat in anger, having dozens of thoughts per second, and many sleepless nights to say the least. To be accepted, I would give more than I would normally give and be of service to people more than I would do for myself. My final breaking point was when I found myself hanging on a 3 story apartment complex rooftop, on a fire escape ladder, trying to break in a friends apartment to get her back inside. I could’ve died. This was a prime example of the risks I would take to for people to like me. There’s way more to the story on my own blog. Cutting was something I did to channel my anger: mostly the angry feelings I had toward myself. I let the words and actions from others make me hate myself. I hated the way I thought. I hated the way I looked. I hated how I had very little common with the people around me. And they taunted me because of it. The taunting wasn’t just from people I was forced to associate with at school, it was also from strangers at other public places. At 21, I finally went to a doctor about it and he said I had ADHD. He gave me months worth of capsules of Straterra. This time I didn’t take the medication because I knew my bond with God was strong enough to get me through my situation. And indeed it did prevail. Accutane was pulled from the market in 2009. It was removed because of the amount of money they were having to spend to defend themselves from claims that Accutane caused patients to develop Crohn‘s Disease. There is speculation that Roche removed Accutane because they feared new studies would show a causal relationship between Accutane and depression/suicide. Different law firms have created commercials reach those who want to place a lawsuit against the company.

This was my past and I’ve changed my life around at 22 by getting to know God better. He is truly all that I need. I know that there are people that will still judge me to this day because of everything I’ve done. Some of the same people that tell me to leave it in the past often bring up my past and use it against me. To this day, I still get judged by the way I look. Its not so much in the context of beauty, but in the context of how I don’t look like the person they expect to see based on my character and experiences. I’m used to it now. All of my arm scars have cleared and most of the scars on my face are gone. No pictures, no videos. What I have left is memories in my head that I want to tell my story with. I want to tell my story so that those who are like me will know that they’re not alone."

*Me-"Wow...that is, so deep. Made me teary eyed.

Well, you've definitely been through a lot! And I'm terribly sorry that you've had to go through it all. But, I have a question if I may ask. You're mother, did she ever notice anything? Try and comfort you? And, what about ur father? Was he ever in the picture?"

*D. J Preston- "My mom almost found out when she saw part of my arm one day. I told her it was from accidentally scratching my arm up on a fence. I revealed the truth to her just two weeks ago though. I think she's still letting the idea settle in her head but she took it well. My dad was an alcoholic and used to hit my mom. They split when I was 5."

*Me-"Oh dear.
I'm sorry...What about your friends? Did they ever notice anything else? Like, did they ever confront you again?"

*D. J Preston-"Its ok. Once I left the school that put me out, my buds and I grew apart. They probably questioned me a few more times but I can't remember since it was so long ago. I ran into Tab a few times since then, but we never talk about anything that happened sophomore year. I think its kinda embarrassing for both of us."

*Me-"Well, also shocking.
And ur life now, how has life been treating you now?"

*D. J Preston-"Thanks for asking! :) Life has been good. I still struggle with loneliness and irrelevance sometimes but its nothing like it used to be. It helps when I talk to God or go out on my own. I started taking myself out to dinner and going to different events. I'm finishing up college and looking forward to do some traveling."

*Me-"That sounds good
Is there anything you'd like the readers to know?"

*D. J Preston-" Yes. I believe everything happens for a reason. You wont have a testimony if you don't first go through the test. You wont have a message if you first don't go through the mess. I believe my hurt and pain helped me not become a product of my environment. I look at some of the people that bullied and taunted me and today they are a mess. Its ironic because they have so many issues and problems. Also, a great amount of the time I was alone I fell in love with composing songs. I've had opportunities to work with Disney on the Hannah Montana series, Spike TV, and I'm currently a composer for the NBA (National Basketball Association). I do music for their website and commercials. I just scored my first independent film last month. I wouldn't have met all the great people and obtain these jobs if I didn't go through the pain of my childhood. "

*Me-"That sounds so great. Your becoming famously known.
The film, what's the name of it?"

*D. J Preston-"Thank you. Its called The Swing Set. Its not a big release but I know one day I'll work my way up to that level of film. I'm not all about fame though. If the fame comes, I want people to just be inspired by my story. I'm never a braggart and into much self-indulgence. I even got rid of my website that I started, my MySpace, and my Facebook fan page. I can't take credit for anything that God has done for me. God will send for the right people to hear my message. I don't have to become a product of pop-culture to do so but if that's His plan, I'm down for it. I just want to live my life how anyone else would. Eventually I will have a more stable career, a new home, a wife, children, and a garden. Gotta have the garden. I love nature haha."

*Me-"Aw, that's so sweet.
Sounds like you have a good life now. After all you've went through, you deserve it.
Is there anything else you'd like to say?"

*D. J Preston-"Yes. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be part of your blog!"

*Me- "Well, actually thank YOU for sharing such a deep, moving story. I wouldn't be able to share mine without freaking out.
So thank you, means a lot to me and my readers."--


D. J Preston has been through hell and back. But with the help of God, managed to find the light within the dark. I don't think I've ever read or heard a story such as this one. A story that ends with the help of God. It's a true miracle and shows proof that all is possible, with the help of God Himself.

If you or anyone you know self-harms, is depressed, or thinking about suicide, I urge you to PLEASE either contact your local hospital, call 911, or contact the suicide prevention hotline.

Self-Injury Hotline
SAFE (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives Program
www.selfinjury.com
1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

National Adolescent Suicide Hotline
800-621-4000

Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000

http://www.eliteskills.com/teen_cutting/hotlines.php


I would like to thank D. J Preston for sharing his story. I'm very honored and, I wish the best for him in life.

~Bella~

It's kind of a Funny Story

"

Like many ambitious New York City teenagers, Craig Gilner sees entry into Manhattan’s Executive Pre-Professional High School as the ticket to his future. Determined to succeed at life—which means getting into the right high school to get into the right college to get the right job—Craig studies night and day to ace the entrance exam, and does. That’s when things start to get crazy.

At his new school, Craig realizes that he isn't brilliant compared to the other kids; he’s just average, and maybe not even that. He soon sees his once-perfect future crumbling away. The stress becomes unbearable and Craig stops eating and sleeping—until, one night, he nearly kills himself.

Craig’s suicidal episode gets him checked into a mental hospital, where his new neighbors include a transsexual sex addict, a girl who has scarred her own face with scissors, and the self-elected President Armelio. There, isolated from the crushing pressures of school and friends, Craig is finally able to confront the sources of his anxiety."

Ages 13-up.

After reading this book, I wanted to go back and re-read it again. This book is amazing. The fact that this book is about depression and yet not in the least bit depressing is saying something BIG!

Not many writers can turn a book about depressing into a serious yet hilarious book and Ned Vizzini did that. There are not enough words that could express how awesome this book is.

I would most deff give Ned Vizzini an award for this. He deserves it!

I recommend this book to anyone who wants to read a great book and open they're eyes to life.

5stars? No way, 20 stars for this book!

Demi Lovato in Rehab

I know this may be slightly old but this something that shocked me and in the same breath, didn't.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ac/20101102/lf_ac/7104854_demi_lovato_enters_rehab_1

My prayers are with Demi.
But, ED and SH?
What surprises me is that she is a beautiful girl.
And she SH. But in the same breath, it doesn't surprise me.
I've heard so many stories of teenagers SH and having ED.
I'm not saying this was coming for Demi. Heavens never!
But, as a former SHer myself, I KNOW how hard this can be.
I'm terribly sorry to hear such a curse has been bestowed upon this poor girls soul
But, I KNOW she'll pull through. With much help and support,
She'll come out of it.
Like Carrie Underwood said in her song, "So small."

"It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole"

Some problems can seem SO huge when they are really small.
This is one that seems the hugest of them all but truthfully,
It's a small spec of dust.
I have faith in Demi Lovato and I support her all the way!

More adds!

Most of you already know me from the very start.
Posting info about celebs and what nots.
But, I do indeed think I want to change my blog up just a little.
I'll be doing more blog posts about more interesting topics.
On the world today.
So, do me a fave and post done in the comment section what you want me to do a post on and I shall do my best to do that post.
Thanks~

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence is hard.
Especially if your partner that you are in a relationship with is the abuser.
In this blog post I will talk to a few people about what they went through, physically and emotional abuse. They have been as so kind to share their stories with me and you blog readers out there so, I would like to thank them very much for doing so!

Lisa H was in an emotional abusive relationship for 9months with her bf.

Me: How long were you in the abusive relationship?

Lisa: I was in the relationship with him from May 2009 to January 2010, so about 9 months.

Me: Wow, that's really long. So, tell me how it all started. Did the relationship seem to be perfect in the beginning and then take a downhill?

Lisa: When I was 12, turning 13 I went into a psych ward for a suicide attempt, and that's where I met him and a couple other people. When he left, we didn't stay in touch. Then in April of the next year he found me on Facebook, said he was in the area for about a month and he called a couple days later, then came to visit me. He hung out with me for a couple days in a row. Eventually he told me he had feelings for me, and then we were boyfriend and girlfriend after that. Things seemed fine at first, I thought it was normal for a relationship to be like ours but he rushed physical things and it was uncomfortable for me. It was somewhat okay in the beginning but it did progressively get worse as the relationship went along. It actually started getting worse within two weeks.

Me: So how did things turn worse? Did he say things to you? do things?

Lisa: After a couple days of dating, he really pushed my boundaries and he had his hand up my shirt. I was nervous and my mother didn't like him, but she didn't know we were dating. One weekend I stayed over at his house and he kept pushing the topic of sex, he wouldn't give it up. I think the day after that was the day my mother found out about us dating. She said I was never allowed to see him again, (she called his house and told us that) she was going to call the cops on him because he refused to take me home, etc. Things got worse with him because he'd always threaten to break up with me when we got into tiny arguments that he started, then he'd run from me and I'd have to chase him down. He'd always say he had to move back to the small town he came from when he really didn't, and he had no money for it. I'd beg him to stay but he'd say it's over, then after an hour or two of me crying, he'd hug me and say "I didn't mean it." This would happen very often. Our relationship had a ton of fighting in it, and he had a terrible temper, and a drinking/drug problem too. This was the start of how things got worse in our relationship.

Me: Did you ever consider breaking up with him? Did you see the signs of the abuse that was going on?

Lisa: I never really considered it. I was very naive, I thought I loved him a lot and that I could help him but I was actually terribly afraid of him. I thought our relationship wasn't healthy at times but I thought the good times made up for those. I had a skewed way of thinking last year, for the most part. At one point I had to call my mother and whisper while he was in the basement because I was afraid he'd yell at me, and my mother told me then that the relationship wasn't healthy but I didn't do anything. Overall I didn't really see it until the last few months of our relationship.

Me:Wow...That's horrible that you had to whisper to your own mother b.c you were afraid of him. I'm sorry this happened to you...When and how did you end it or I should say how did it end between you two?

Lisa:Well, me and my mom had recently adopted this beautiful kitten Mavis, and with our older cat Jasper, I had to keep an eye on them and make sure they didn't fight. He was back in his small town, 24+ hours away, and it had been a long distance relationship for the last little bit of our relationship. We were talking on MSN one night while my mother was out, we had our webcams on while we were chatting then I ran away from the computer because the cats were fighting. I came back and apologized, told him what happened and then he pulled another one of the guilt trips he'd always pull. He said it's fine, I know you don't want to spend time with me, just go, spend time with your cats and he started pouting and being a right jerk. We were getting mad at eachother then eventually he said "Fine! It's over!" and I said "Fine. It's over then." He'd always say he wouldn't mean it after, and I knew this time I was through with him and his ridiculous bull shit. I was sick of his brother calling me a whore, his sister drunk calling me and calling me a bitch, and his mother thinking I was playing mind games. My mother came home in the middle of our argument and told me to tell him I had to go and I'm not allowed to speak to him. He kept begging me to stay but eventually I logged off. My mother gave me a hug and told me I was strong for ending it.

Me: You are very strong for ending it. How has it been since you ended it? Has he tried getting back in touch with you?

Lisa:It feels good letting people know, especially when it helps them. It might also help some other people be aware of things like that, you know? It's hard to come to terms with accepting you were in an abusive relationship, it was for me at least. I didn't want to believe it was true, but after I ended it, I screamed and just broke down crying after my mother gave me a hug.It's been really difficult. I'm afraid of men and don't really trust them as much as I would have before after what my ex did. He forced himself on me, and I told my mother only a couple months ago about that. It's been really hard getting over it, I'm still not over it, I guess. I'm over him for sure, but the whole shaken-up part of it, not really. It left me so hurt in the end and I felt like I didn't deserve anything good. I used to have panic attacks every day because of the stress from that and other things on top of that, but then I got some medication to stop me from having them. He has tried to get back in touch with me, he's been doing it for months and he's kept apologizing. He kept saying things like you're a beautiful girl, you're going to do great things, please take me back, etc.. It's difficult because at times I just want to forget that he ever laid his filthy hands on me and took advantage of me but it did make me a stronger person. I will never put up with something like that again, ever. A while ago he actually called me... My mom was in the house and I told her to just get out, and I was crying while he spoke, she said "Just remember what he did to you." He said he wanted to be there to support me, and be a good friend to me, he said he was sorry, etc.. I screamed at him, I told him he's a sick bastard because of all the shit he put me through. I asked him if he was lying when he said he was a virgin, I asked who he had been with before we started dating and then he said he was with the town slut but he used two condoms when they had sex so it was okay. I called him an idiot for that and told him he has no idea how much he fucked things up for me, I'd punch myself in the stomach everyday for the longest time because I thought he might of gotten me pregnant. He was crying the majority of the time he was talking, but then near the end he just calmed right down, it was like he wasn't crying at all, his voice didn't sound upset, he sounded calm. He said "I have to go." He was just playing mind games again. It hurts, and I don't know why anyone would ever do what he did to me. It's so sick.

Me:Wow...That is...that is a story and once again, I thank you for sharing it with me. I'm very glad you ended it with him...You deserve way better.

Lisa:It's not a problem. To be honest, I shed a tear a bit when I heard your reply. It's nice hearing those things, it helps so much. It's little, but thank you.

Me:I'm proud of you. You did the right thing

Even though Lisa H went through a lot with her bf, she still managed to get away before it turned into something far worse then anyone could have imagined. Sadly, since this is along post and a very sad yet touching story I am dedicating this post to only Lisa H b.c what these girls share is something that deserves to have it's own post. But do check back again for part 2 and 3 of Domestic Violence where I will talk to other girls and have them share their stories.
Thanks for reading <3

Summers must have

Hey all!
So, even though the summer might be ALMOST over, I thought I would put up a post of "Summer's must haves." Granted, I should have done this earlier but I now just thought about this.

1. Clinical Strength. B.c no girl should ever show. It really works.
   
2. Bikini
   
3. Water ((Ofc))
   
4. Sunscreen. I get Coppertone 30.
   
5. Sunglasses
   
6. flip flops
   
7. dresses
   
8. And last but not least, friends.
   

Well there you have it!
Summer's must have!

Aya Kito

Aya Kito was a girl who suffered from disease called spinocerebellar Degeneration. She was diagnosed at the age of 15.
"The disease causes the person to lose control over their body, but because the person can retain all mental ability the disease acts as a prison. So in the end she cant eat, walk or talk."

I just got done watching "1 Litre of Tears" just now. I've never cried so hard as I did while watching it. It's a story about Aya Kito and her struggle with SD. Aya died at the age of 25 b.c of it. But she kept a diary called, " 1 Litre no Namida((in Japanese))
A Diary with Tears or A diary of tears((In English))"
I've been trying to look for her diary in English yet so far only one I can find is in Japanese. Which is okay for me b.c I can kind of read in Japanese myself.
Her life was made not only into a movie but also into a drama tv show over in Japan.
Here are the links to the movie and show.
((Movie))


http://www.asianrice.tv/media/1-Litre-of-Tears-movie-The-Movie/7488/part/1

((Show))http://www.asianrice.tv/show/1-Litre-of-Tears/50/videos/

I've also found sites on Aya. Photo's of her.
http://diaryofaya.blogspot.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aya_Kit%C5%8D
In this music video Aya asks her mother if she will ever get married.

July 19th 1963~ May 23rd 1988.
Aya Kito is my hero for not giving up. May she always be remembered and R.I.P <3

Gossip Girl night party!

Gossip Girl season finale is tomorrow night.
When: Monday, May 17th 10
Where: Anywhere you can find a tv
Time: 9:00pm - 10:00pm
Type:Party - Night of Mayhem

http://www.cwtv.com/shows/gossip-girl
Make sure to watch it!
You know you love Gossip Girl.
XOXO
~Bella~

Rheumatoid Arthritis and IBS

Some might think that Rheumatoid Arthritis is something older people get. But no, it's not just for elders for adults. Teens also can get it as well. Called juvenile rheumatoid arthritis.((A.K.A JRA))
Reason for my bringing this up is because my shoulders hurt almost all the time. As well as my caffs.((Sometimes my leg))
It's been brought to my attention that I myself, might have JRA.
I'm going to post up some links about and on JRA for you all to read.
http://www.ehow.com/how_2272157_cope-juvenile-arthritis-teens.html
http://kidshealth.org/teen/diseases_conditions/bones/juv_rheumatoid_arthritis.html
I know how the pain feels for me.
Painful, like I pulled a muscle. And it's odd b.c I'll be asleep when my {supposedly} JRA wakes me up in pain. Not only does it wake me up from my sleep but also interferes with my daily life.
Partying, dancing, standing, sitting.
Or just simply walking.Sometimes it's so bad for me I can hardly walk. Which makes me feel horrible b.c I am only a 15yr-old teenage girl who has her WHOLE life ahead of her. Too young to have to deal with this stuff but sadly I do. And so do other teens with JRA. JRA is not something nice and I would never want this. But apparently it's something I {supposedly} have. So if you are a teen with JRA or an adult with RA, do please post in the comments and tell you're story or thoughts on it. I love nothing more then to hear from you guys!
http://www.webmd.com/rheumatoid-arthritis/guide/juvenile-rheumatoid-arthritis

Letters to Juliet

Yes, the movie. But I am not here to talk about the movie.
I am here to talk about sending Juliet an actual letter.
http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2010-05-12-juliet12_ST_N.htm?csp=34

You can write her a letter.
Here's the address.
http://www.julietclub.com/index_en.asp
CLUB DI GIULIETTA - THE JULIET CLUB
via Galilei 3 - 37100 Verona

Also, if you have your own Q's and need advice.
You can also email your Q's to
HeartzJuliet@gmail.com
This email is not related to the "Letters to Juliet" website I gave you above. It's just an email where you can send your Q's to and have them answered back from a girl who considers herself as a Juliet herself.
She will try her best to help and provide advice as best as she can.
Do put down
"Dear Juliet."
When you send her an email.
You can put your name down or a nickname if you want to keep it private.


"The greatest love story is your own."

Keke Palmer and Paramore!

it had to be done!

check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1r-Y7QR1kcM

don't forget to check the Stairwells Springtime Tour dates:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=116529365041288
~ Kina Grannis~



Click HERE to enter the Honda Civic Tour Sweepstakes for your chance to win a Honda Civic Si Coupe designed by Paramore!




brand new eyes
featuring 'Brick By Boring Brick'
DOWNLOAD IT NOW

MUST SEE!

WARNING!
This video is VERY graphic!
IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO WITHOUT A PARENT OR SOMEONE OLDER THEN 18 WITH YOU.

Reasons for why I am posting this video up is 3students at my high school fainted today after seeing his video. I can see why but for me I did not faint. I cried!
I wont mark this as being over the edge graphic but it is graphic.
I think EVERYONE who is going to drive should see this video even though it's meant for teens older then 18. If you do NOT watch this then you'll never be warned. Watch the video and learn from it. Drivers ed video.

Miley Cyrus- I can't be tamed.

For those of you who have yet to hear nor see.
Miley Cyrus is turning from the innocent sweet little girl she use to be
to Hello Sexy Miles!


Her new video "I can't be tamed." Has sparked some wires. I managed to find a video if it online. Now while the video might make you go," wow..." I must say...Very unique video there Miles.


In the video she says "I want to be a part of something I don't now." Well Miley, seems like you are apart of something you don't know and if you keep it up your going to be labeled with Britney Spears.
I myself like the song. The beginning is awesome. She's a bird. Very unique yes but as the video rolls on she lost me somewhere in the head shaking and high pitched voice. But I want to hear what you think of it.
Please no hatred comments. They will be deleted.

Self-Image for teens and kids

Is self-image taking over our Human Society? Taking over the minds of our young children today? In one of the photos I found online was one of Britney Spears photo shopped photo. ----->
This photo gave me the idea do to a post on self-image for teens and children. Me being a 16yr-old teen I can understand how hard it is to like your body or be comfortable in it with stuff like this today. Teens are striving to look "perfect" but honestly what is "Perfect?" Who is perfect? Even though these pictures like this may look beautiful and great! But they are not real. Nothing but fake photo-shopped. I've read articles in magazines saying that children at the age young as 5 can develop an eating disorder((ED)) And then you have us teens...Is this really what society wants us to be? Worrying about whether we're pretty enough or skinny enough?

My thoughts on this whole...Skinny is the "thing" is, being skinny or perfect isn't really being healthy. Girls and boys come in different shape and sizes. Not even Britney Spears is perfect and there's the proof!

Instead of being something or someone you're not, be who you are and ONLY you.
Being perfect is not being beautiful

~Bella~




I found this in my drafts from last year and thought about posting it up :/
It's old but it's still up to date ^^

About suicide ricks

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among teens, but teenagers and their parents underestimate the risk or think that it doesn't happen in their own communities, a new study shows.They found that parents and teenagers were able to identify many of the most common risk factors for suicide, including depression, alcohol and drug abuse, and relationship problems.

In 2006, 1,771 children and teens between the ages of 10 and 19 committed suicide in the U.S. Teenage boys were four times as likely as teenage girls to die by suicide and they were also more likely to use guns and suffocation to kill themselves. Girls were more likely than boys to use pills.

Among ethnic groups, teenage suicide rates were highest for Native Americans and Alaska Natives, with 15.4 deaths per 100,000 teens. Rates among white, Hispanic, and African-American teens were 4.7, 3.0, and 2.7 per 100,000, respectively.

Gay and bisexual teens are especially at risk, with one survey reporting suicide attempts among 28% of gay and bisexual teenage boys and 20% of gay and bisexual teenage girls.

According to the AAP, signs that a depressed teenager might be suicidal include:

• A dramatic change in personality
• Relationship problems, especially with a romantic partner
• A drop in grades or quality of schoolwork
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• A change in eating or sleeping habits
• Having trouble concentrating
• Giving away prized possessions
• Writing notes or poems about death
• Talking about suicide, even jokingly

If you suspect teenagers might be thinking about suicide, the AAP recommends:

• Act quickly. Suicide is preventable, but quick action is important.
• Ask about it, and don't be afraid to say the word "suicide." Using the word may help at-risk teenagers understand that someone has heard their cries for help.
• Reassure teenagers that you love them, and make sure they know that no matter how bad the problems seem, they can be worked out.
• Encourage them to talk about their feelings, and listen carefully. Don't dismiss the problem or get angry.
• Remove all lethal weapons from your home, including guns, pills, kitchen utensils, and ropes.
• Seek professional help. Ask your teenager's pediatrician for guidance.

For more information about suicide ricks with teenagers please visit
http://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20100111/teens-parents-underestimate-teen-suicide-risk
And WebMD
http://www.webmd.com/default.htm

Rin- kun?

Thought I'd post up some pictures of Rin-kun along with Inuyasha-The final act.








http://www.vizanime.com/inuyasha-the-final-act

安室奈美恵 Full Moon

Namie Amuro's full Moon.



It's not the official video. She has yet to make the OF video to Full Moon.

Review on Identical~

So after finishing the book like...2months ago.
I've come to think about it and here is what I think about this book...
This book is messed up!
But really it's kind of messed up.
I refuse to say or comment on the ending b.c I do not wish to ruin the ending for you readers if you haven't already read the book.
This is one book I will not be re-reading unless I'm undyingly bored and have nothing else better to do((Which is hard to have nothing to do for me))

So if your going to read this book just remember...
It's only a book and thankfully...We're((As in us teens who are reading this book just b.c we want too)) not being force to read this book by our teachers for a school project!
So until the next post!
I'm out!~

Todd Rixon? o.O

Last night while watching tv I saw this video and it made me laugh so hard I worked my own abbs.

Watch the video it's so funny!

Jennifer Love Hewitt at the George Lopez Show AND pitbull

If you've missed it last night((I didn't)) here's the clip of Jennifer and PitBull
Part 1

Part 2

Talking about bedazzling your((Woman's)) Va-Jay-Jay's to talking about being a Pear-Ass.
((I love her and huge fan of the show lol))


((I am a HUGE fan of PitBull))


Plus.
Daddy's little girl by PitBull


~Bella~

And the winner is...

Mr. Robert Pattinson himself.
Gotta love what he said the other day.
Some people think((Or might have thought))
that our very own vampish, sparkly, vampire boy here is gay.
Thoughts anyone?
I'm up to hear anything and everything.
Normally I'd NEVER write anything on or involving Twilight or the cast of Twilight themselves. But I just HAD to post this up.
So any thoughts on what he said post it up people!
I'll try and answer everything you post on and about him!
~Bella~

Vagina-hater Robert Pattinson!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/13/robert-pattinson-im-aller_n_461448.html
Robert Pattinson says he hates vagina's and is allergic to them.
Click the link to read more about what he had to say about vagina's.
And Hilary Duff is engaged!
http://omg.yahoo.com/news/hilary-duff-is-engaged/36161?nc
Read all on the links!

Identical

Before I tell you my thoughts on this book. I'm going to set some ground rules first.
"This book is not suitable for teens under the age of 14 and yet still reading this book you'll still need adult guidance.
This book contains strong language, drugs, sex, violence and along with consumerism.
If you are not above the age of 14 DO NOT READ THIS BOOK!"

So being at the age of 15 and randomly picking this book up yesterday bc there was nothing else for me to buy was a surprise when I opened it up.
Honestly, I have yet to actually get into the whole book but I'll tell you this much from what little I've read...Very good book but SO not for teens under the age of...at least 17.

"

Kaeleigh and Raeanne are identical down to the dimple. As daughters of a district-court judge father and a politician mother, they are an all-American family — on the surface. Behind the facade each sister has her own dark secret, and that's where their differences begin.

For Kaeleigh, she's the misplaced focus of Daddy's love, intended for a mother whose presence on the campaign trail means absence at home. All that Raeanne sees is Daddy playing a game of favorites — and she is losing. If she has to lose, she will do it on her own terms, so she chooses drugs, alcohol, and sex.

Secrets like the ones the twins are harboring are not meant to be kept — from each other or anyone else. Pretty soon it's obvious that neither sister can handle it alone, and one sister must step up to save the other, but the question is — who?"

This book is not something I'd normally go for but after picking it up I can't put it down. I'm 15,reading a book such as this and it's still risky to read.
So after I am done reading this book((And some other ones I'm still working on))
I shall come ba ck and tell you my full-on-thoughts about it.
~Bella~

Valentines day

I hate the day "Valentines day." But the movie "Valentines day" was actually good.
It's an interesting movie and perfect((In my eyes)) for V-day.
For me Valentines day is something you spend with your loved one.
Since I have no loved one to spend such a day with V-day just isn't my thing.
But if you've seen the movie do tell me your in and out-takes on it!
I also found this movie only called.
"I hate Valentines day." seems interesting

I might check it out later in the day or week.
But Happy Valentines day everyone! <3

THEY WON!!!!

Hoping everyone watched it!
SAINTS WON THE SUPER BOWL!!!!
I am SO happy I could cry! Congrats to the Saints for winning!!!
I wanted to post a video up of this video shown in between the super bowl.
Remember it?

Doritos - House Rules @ Yahoo! Video

I'll post more later!
GO SAINTS!

The fallen

I've been reading this book called
"The fallen." by Thomas E. Sniegoski
((Again about angels))
and I must say I've actually liked this book so far.
It's not like Fallen by Lauren Kate nor Hush,Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick. It's something more.
Maybe I'd say more adventurous.

"Aaron Corbet isn't a bad kid -- he's just a little different. archangel On the eve of his eighteenth birthday, Aaron dreams of a darkly violent landscape. He can hear the sounds of weapons clanging, the screams of the stricken, and another sound he cannot quite decipher. But gazing upward at the sky, he suddenly understands."
Age Range: Young Adult
Series: Fallen Series

If anyone is thinking about buying some books to read here are some books I recommend for you to try and read.

1. Fallen--Lauren Kate
2. Hush,Hush--Becca Fitzpatrick.
   

3. The fallen--Thomas E. Sniegoski
4. Meridian--Amber Kizer
~Bella~

Becca Fitzpatrick

Okay all I am going to say is I PMed Becca Fitzpatrick on Facebook today bc I just HAD to tell her how much I LOVED her book "Hush,Hush."
She messaged me back and I will say when I got a message back from her it was awesome!
I just wanted to post up that the book Hush,Hush maybe out but if you((For all of those who's read it and fallen in love with it as the same as me)) don't forget to pick up
"Crescendo"
when it comes out.I'll also keep up updated on when it comes out and stuff like that.
Till then check out Becca's blog!
http://bec-fitzpatrick.livejournal.com/
~Bella~

New blogger?

Found a new blogger.
She seems interesting.
Check her out.
http://gaspomgilovethat.blogspot.com/

Help with Haiti Earthquake Relief

On January 12, 2010, a magnitude 7.0 earthquake struck Haiti, approximately 10 miles from Port-au-Prince. Tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people are feared dead, as the capital city has been devastated. You can help. Music for Relief is responding to aid the recovery effort in Haiti by supporting our partners in the immediate and long-term recovery effort.

Text “RELIEF” to 90999 to make a $5 donation to Music for Relief’s Haiti Earthquake Relief fund or make a donation online here http://musicforrelief.ning.com/page/donate-1.

安室 奈美恵/クォン・ボア

http://www.koreadvdcd.com/mall/m_mall_list.php?ps_ctid=03170000

Inuyasha/New music...?

While I have been looking for this one episode of Inuyasha wear Sango and Miroku are in white robes and so on. Finally found it with the help of some Yahoo! friends. I post it up but first I wanted to post some video's, pictures up that I found randomly online today.
I am now a huge fan of Junnosuke Taguchi!

How cute is he?! His eyes are what caught my attention. Those soft, looking eyes.



-sighs- Just can't get enough of him.
I also found this cute video of him as well!
"Sleepy Prince"



And this video "News-Hoshi wo mezashite"


And the Inuyasha video:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/88521/inuyasha-only-you-sango
and then I found a list of the episodes that I somehow missed kind of in a way.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inuyasha_episodes
I'll post more up later!
~Bella~

Happy New Year's!!!

Happy New Years everyone!
I hope everyone's New Year is wonderful!
This post is going to be a little different from what your probably use too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I finish the book "Fallen." By Lauren Kate last night and I would like to in my own way give her an award!

"Best book Award."

I must say this book held my attention better then any other book I've ever read so far. The next book to Fallen comes out in September. As sad as I am that I'll have to wait to read the next book...I am very sure it'll be worth it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm now on this book called "Hush, Hush." by Becca Fitzpatrick.

"For Nora Grey, romance was not part of the plan. She's never been particularly attracted to the boys at her school, no matter how much her best friend, Vee, pushes them at her. Not until Patch came along.

With his easy smile and eyes that seem to see inside her, Nora is drawn to him against her better judgment.

But after a series of terrifying encounters, Nora's not sure who to trust. Patch seems to be everywhere she is, and to know more about her than her closest friends. She can't decide whether she should fall into his arms or run and hide. And when she tries to seek some answers, she finds herself near a truth that is way more unsettling than anything Patch makes her feel.

For Nora is right in the middle of an ancient battle between the immortal and those that have fallen - and, when it comes to choosing sides, the wrong choice will cost her life."

((Age's 14 & up))

I can not wait to read it. I'm kind of into the "Fallen Angel" kind of books now. So once I finish the book I shall give my thoughts on it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thought I'd also put this out there for those of you wanting to know.I am a member on the site "B&N.com" So if anyone is on that site as well and would like to follow me my user name is "Isabella15"

I will also be creating an account with Borders books as well and once I do so I shall put that up too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I end this post with best wishes to everyone and the best of 2010!

Happy New Year's!

2010~