Domestic Violence is hard.
Especially if your partner that you are in a relationship with is the abuser.
In this blog post I will talk to a few people about what they went through, physically and emotional abuse. They have been as so kind to share their stories with me and you blog readers out there so, I would like to thank them very much for doing so!
Lisa H was in an emotional abusive relationship for 9months with her bf.
Me: How long were you in the abusive relationship?
Lisa: I was in the relationship with him from May 2009 to January 2010, so about 9 months.
Me: Wow, that's really long. So, tell me how it all started. Did the relationship seem to be perfect in the beginning and then take a downhill?
Lisa: When I was 12, turning 13 I went into a psych ward for a suicide attempt, and that's where I met him and a couple other people. When he left, we didn't stay in touch. Then in April of the next year he found me on Facebook, said he was in the area for about a month and he called a couple days later, then came to visit me. He hung out with me for a couple days in a row. Eventually he told me he had feelings for me, and then we were boyfriend and girlfriend after that. Things seemed fine at first, I thought it was normal for a relationship to be like ours but he rushed physical things and it was uncomfortable for me. It was somewhat okay in the beginning but it did progressively get worse as the relationship went along. It actually started getting worse within two weeks.
Me: So how did things turn worse? Did he say things to you? do things?
Lisa: After a couple days of dating, he really pushed my boundaries and he had his hand up my shirt. I was nervous and my mother didn't like him, but she didn't know we were dating. One weekend I stayed over at his house and he kept pushing the topic of sex, he wouldn't give it up. I think the day after that was the day my mother found out about us dating. She said I was never allowed to see him again, (she called his house and told us that) she was going to call the cops on him because he refused to take me home, etc. Things got worse with him because he'd always threaten to break up with me when we got into tiny arguments that he started, then he'd run from me and I'd have to chase him down. He'd always say he had to move back to the small town he came from when he really didn't, and he had no money for it. I'd beg him to stay but he'd say it's over, then after an hour or two of me crying, he'd hug me and say "I didn't mean it." This would happen very often. Our relationship had a ton of fighting in it, and he had a terrible temper, and a drinking/drug problem too. This was the start of how things got worse in our relationship.
Me: Did you ever consider breaking up with him? Did you see the signs of the abuse that was going on?
Lisa: I never really considered it. I was very naive, I thought I loved him a lot and that I could help him but I was actually terribly afraid of him. I thought our relationship wasn't healthy at times but I thought the good times made up for those. I had a skewed way of thinking last year, for the most part. At one point I had to call my mother and whisper while he was in the basement because I was afraid he'd yell at me, and my mother told me then that the relationship wasn't healthy but I didn't do anything. Overall I didn't really see it until the last few months of our relationship.
Me:Wow...That's horrible that you had to whisper to your own mother b.c you were afraid of him. I'm sorry this happened to you...When and how did you end it or I should say how did it end between you two?
Lisa:Well, me and my mom had recently adopted this beautiful kitten Mavis, and with our older cat Jasper, I had to keep an eye on them and make sure they didn't fight. He was back in his small town, 24+ hours away, and it had been a long distance relationship for the last little bit of our relationship. We were talking on MSN one night while my mother was out, we had our webcams on while we were chatting then I ran away from the computer because the cats were fighting. I came back and apologized, told him what happened and then he pulled another one of the guilt trips he'd always pull. He said it's fine, I know you don't want to spend time with me, just go, spend time with your cats and he started pouting and being a right jerk. We were getting mad at eachother then eventually he said "Fine! It's over!" and I said "Fine. It's over then." He'd always say he wouldn't mean it after, and I knew this time I was through with him and his ridiculous bull shit. I was sick of his brother calling me a whore, his sister drunk calling me and calling me a bitch, and his mother thinking I was playing mind games. My mother came home in the middle of our argument and told me to tell him I had to go and I'm not allowed to speak to him. He kept begging me to stay but eventually I logged off. My mother gave me a hug and told me I was strong for ending it.
Me: You are very strong for ending it. How has it been since you ended it? Has he tried getting back in touch with you?
Lisa:It feels good letting people know, especially when it helps them. It might also help some other people be aware of things like that, you know? It's hard to come to terms with accepting you were in an abusive relationship, it was for me at least. I didn't want to believe it was true, but after I ended it, I screamed and just broke down crying after my mother gave me a hug.It's been really difficult. I'm afraid of men and don't really trust them as much as I would have before after what my ex did. He forced himself on me, and I told my mother only a couple months ago about that. It's been really hard getting over it, I'm still not over it, I guess. I'm over him for sure, but the whole shaken-up part of it, not really. It left me so hurt in the end and I felt like I didn't deserve anything good. I used to have panic attacks every day because of the stress from that and other things on top of that, but then I got some medication to stop me from having them. He has tried to get back in touch with me, he's been doing it for months and he's kept apologizing. He kept saying things like you're a beautiful girl, you're going to do great things, please take me back, etc.. It's difficult because at times I just want to forget that he ever laid his filthy hands on me and took advantage of me but it did make me a stronger person. I will never put up with something like that again, ever. A while ago he actually called me... My mom was in the house and I told her to just get out, and I was crying while he spoke, she said "Just remember what he did to you." He said he wanted to be there to support me, and be a good friend to me, he said he was sorry, etc.. I screamed at him, I told him he's a sick bastard because of all the shit he put me through. I asked him if he was lying when he said he was a virgin, I asked who he had been with before we started dating and then he said he was with the town slut but he used two condoms when they had sex so it was okay. I called him an idiot for that and told him he has no idea how much he fucked things up for me, I'd punch myself in the stomach everyday for the longest time because I thought he might of gotten me pregnant. He was crying the majority of the time he was talking, but then near the end he just calmed right down, it was like he wasn't crying at all, his voice didn't sound upset, he sounded calm. He said "I have to go." He was just playing mind games again. It hurts, and I don't know why anyone would ever do what he did to me. It's so sick.
Me:Wow...That is...that is a story and once again, I thank you for sharing it with me. I'm very glad you ended it with him...You deserve way better.
Lisa:It's not a problem. To be honest, I shed a tear a bit when I heard your reply. It's nice hearing those things, it helps so much. It's little, but thank you.
Me:I'm proud of you. You did the right thing
Even though Lisa H went through a lot with her bf, she still managed to get away before it turned into something far worse then anyone could have imagined. Sadly, since this is along post and a very sad yet touching story I am dedicating this post to only Lisa H b.c what these girls share is something that deserves to have it's own post. But do check back again for part 2 and 3 of Domestic Violence where I will talk to other girls and have them share their stories.
Thanks for reading <3
